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30 April 2011 @ 11:39 am
I haven't been on here in months. and everything is different now. A lot of people I used to be very close to are trying to recover and I just wish I had the strength to join them. It would be so great to wake up in the morning and have different thoughts other than, what am I going to eat today? Should I weigh myself or wait? Am I going to be able to resist bad foods? I really wish there was other things on my mind, I haven't even lost much weight, I just think about it constantly. 

My boyfriend is kind of stressing me out too, he's constantly out and drinking, and I got really annoyed at him the other day. On tuesday and last night was when I've last seen him and I was really annoyed, we sorted it out about last night and we have a different relationship now. We're really like natural and weird with each other now, not like awkward weird, good weird, like the way we would mess about. I don't know what suddenly changed it, I like it though, and he says he is planning on staying in more often.. wether that happens or not, different story.
Current Mood: tiredtired
14 November 2010 @ 12:12 am
im in such a weird mood. as in if anything happened i really couldnt give a shit.
had a weird day, my 'best mate' has been a bitch lately, and she asked me to go out to hers so i did.. then she came into mine and i wanted to go to the cinema with my other friends but she claimed she had no money and pretty much stopped me going. then my other good friend whos more like my best mate these days came to mine with her boyfriend and we all wanted to go out except my 'best mate' and everything i said she had something to say about it, like being all cheeky and like you done this you didnt do that etc
ugggh fuck off:/ thats why if she ever knew about my ED she would be like wtf no your not, you eat all the time etc.
cba with her fucking shit, i really couldnt care less what she does anymore.

on the losing weight side, thats going no where either. i have to do this :/
02 September 2010 @ 10:10 pm
im speaking to him right now. my ex i mean. he doesnt seem too interested, he was just like 'what happens happens :)' i asked what that was suppose to mean, and he just said all this shit about me saying i dont know about us getting back together so he took it as a no, and i dont know whats gonna happen with us now. he says he doesnt know what he wants now and needs to think. god i feel like such a dick, i sure know how to screw up right?
do i really like him? or just want what i dont have.. there has to be feelings there doesnt there?

i miss when everything was simple. i wish i was young again :\
im in one of my moods again, i seriously think im depressed. i cant take this anymore. i just wana be positive and happy, and thats impossible for me. theres so many things i miss. cant believe im back to this place again, im nearly as bad as what i was 2 years ago. i thought i was gonna be fine but obviously not..
02 September 2010 @ 09:11 pm
ive been telling myself ill post in this for months as well as the community i post in, even though no one will read this.. its just like my diary, except not on paper.
ive been feeling a bit iffish lately, too much stuff been going on. me and my boyfriend broke up, cause i rang another guy while drunk and told him i liked him, which i have done for 2 years but i thought i was over him. clearly i wasnt, but he was a dick about it and wouldn't give me a straight answer so my friend went mad at him and he ended up saying no nothing would ever happen with us. my boyfriend found out and broke up with me but now says he wants me back, but i cant decide.
im so scared to talk to him about it, like terrified. i dont know what i want. i never do.

my 'best friend' is being weird again, like getting all besties with other people and being weird to me..
god i seriously am gonna give up soon. ive lost loads of friends, and i dont want to lose any more but some things just have to be dont they?

i need to lose at least 1lb by tomorrow. if i dont im gonna crack up, i needa start losing again soon. had 550c so far today, and having about 200-250 more. 800 at most im hoping.